WEP “Utopia” contest

When I started writing this, I knew I wanted to do something unusual. Yet at the same time have something that had almost comic book feel to it. I also wanted to have this concept, that “Utopia for one, may be another person’s nightmare.” Which I think I achieved in the piece.  Much to my surprise, I for once am far under the word count. Well, I hope you enjoy my entry. a2bwep2butopia2bbadge5

 


Cleansing a Broken City

 

Gunshots, sirens, and thunder vie for dominance of the air. My once grand city had become nothing more than a breeding ground for corruption, crime and greed. Perhaps it had always been this way even when I was a child. Seeing everything through innocent eyes, that faded as I matured. It is time for this place, this cesspool to be cleansed. Not by rain, or by justice but by the hand of the wise.

Taking a deep breath, I turned away from the grim view. Clearing my mind before entering the grand conference room. Where I had gathered other beings of influence and power. Knowing some had good reputations, and others were more questionable.

Pushing open the wide door, I stared at my guests. Their faces hidden behind masks, like mine. These people were the city’s best chance at rebirth. A rebirth that would usher in a utopian age.

Clearing my throat I said, ” Everyone I have gathered here has influence in this city. Yet we have watched as the corruption has consumed this city. Now, my friends, I believe that as people of influence it is our duty to cleanse this city. Seize it not for ourselves, but for our families,” pounding a closed fist against my chest. “Purge this city of its contagious corruption, and create a new utopia for our city,” going silent on my guests. Studying their faces before a soft wave of clapping began. Getting louder and louder as more people joined in.

With a grin I watched them take their seats. Each one of them clueless as to the method I would accomplish this goal. Only I and the corporate soldiers I paid knew the method I chose. Using the same brutal methods of criminals against them. Killing them in the same method they corrupted my city, with gunpowder and fire.

 

Turning my attention back the city, ready to start the symphony that would be its rebirth. Everything placed strategically days before I called this meeting. By merciless and predatory corporate soldiers in the clever guise of social workers.  Using nothing more than my phone. Beginning it with a single phrase, “Veni, Vedi, Vici.”

 

Hearing the clock for a few seconds before the first bomb went off. Each bomb only seconds behind the other. Creating a symphony of fire, screams, and sheer destruction. Blending itself in with the roaring thunder. Signaling just the beginning of what was to come on this historic night.

 

In a matter of minutes, the symphony changed. Replacing the explosions with concussive gunshots. The constant stream of muzzle flashes illuminating the smoke. Forging a night sky like tapestry over the city.  Making the slums a spot of beauty, instead of blight. Bringing a cleansing rain of copper to the docks, Little Italy, and Chinatown. It was an oddly enchanting sight from where I stood.

 

Now it was on to step two of my righteous plan, bringing a voice to this night. Approaching the grand conference room once more, I stood in the center of the room. Turning on a camera and series of light. Broadcasting myself throughout the city.

 

“Fair citizens of this city, by now you are wondering why certain areas of this city are engulfed in flames. Yet, I imagine some of you are aware of how our city has changed too much in the past ten years. A religious man might say they are God’s way of purifying our city for the righteous. That is only half true. The real answer is it was done by a more modern of version of the Gods, the ultra-rich. Using the influence that naturally comes from money, this court agreed to help purge this city. To reclaim it for honest, hardworking men and women. Now I have a message for any surviving criminals,” changing my voice to make it sound more menacing. “Leave this city, while you can. This will be your last chance for mercy. Your kind of scum has no place in what is come. A new golden age, a utopia for all,” shutting off the lights and camera. Satisfied, that the new age was coming to pass.


Word count 690 Critque level: Full

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22 thoughts on “WEP “Utopia” contest

  1. Hey Christopher. I couldn’t help thinking of President Assad of Syria as I read this, the way he believes in the big picture of a utopian Syria which he means to achieve by his own ends. Of course, this could be the point of view of any dictator intent on securing his position as sovereign leader. Sorry. Couldn’t help myself, but it really did seem like reading the news of the world today.

    Yes. One man’s utopia is another’s nightmare and you’ve shown this very well. You asked for a full critique, so I will just mention that you have some trouble at times with your sentences/fragments. Also repetition of ‘the city’ so many times in one paragraph. Look for other words, or find ways not to repeat.

    Your story captivated me. The points I made can be easily fixed in editing.

    Thank you for joining us for the final WEP of the year. I hope you can turn up next year!

    Merry Christmas! Happy New Year!

    Denise 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. While a Utopian dream is fun to contemplate, when a heartless dictator gets his dream fulfilled through the deaths of the innocent, wow! I knew you could write a great piece in the 1000 word limit. You’re very talented. Consider gifting yourself with Grammarly, a software that will help you produce flawless work.

    Thanks, Christopher, for always providing a new prospective to the WEP challenges!

    Wishing you a joy filled holiday and a success filled New Year!

    Like

  3. Nice one, Christopher. And, sadly, all too prescient. ‘One man’s Utopia is another’s hell’—too right. Which is, after all, the problem with Utopias. Yes, like Denise said above, I found myself reminded of current events, not just Syria but also Philippines (for the drastic ‘solution’ type), and… well. The US seems bent on a similar, if not quite (or not yet) as violent. Good piece, though. Thanks for sharing 🙂

    Happy holidays to you and yours!
    Guilie @ Quiet Laughter

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The 1% thinking they are better than everyone else by reason of their wealth. *hmmm* I probably wouldn’t last the night in this world, because I’d tell this god-in-his-own-mind exactly what he could do with himself! *lol* Which is, oddly enough, why I won’t be having any meals at the White House for the next four years at least. Love the music imagery!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. A very interesting turn of the challenge. Whenever someone thinks they can fix something, it’s usually in a manner that doesn’t benefit certain parties, which is normal fallout (you can’t please everyone). But, does he accomplish his goal? Some Utopias are only that for the ones who create them, not for the ones who abide in them. Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Just one more example of why Utopia is unobtainable. Very well done. Read the other comments, and I agree with some of the critique, but there isn’t anything that is not easily fixed and you could turn this into a top notch piece of flash fiction. Great job.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Hello Chris,
    Happy New Year and I am wishing you an awesome 2017. I have just got to your blog. Your entry into the WEP Utopian Dream Challenge reminds me of Nero when he burned Rome. The same things are happening today and leaders everywhere are standing in their boardrooms, living out the window as people perish.
    Shalom aleichem,
    Pat Garcia

    Liked by 1 person

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